I just read the above statement written on another blog called One Fit Widow. Michelle is explaining her second Thanksgiving without her husband. I can relate. This is my second one without mine.
Many things have changed in the way I am able to cope with this loss. I find that my future would have changed whether or not he had died. The difference is it is all my future. Thoughts that came to life once I allowed myself to experience my solitary existance. I don't feel guilt for thinking only to please myself. It is a foreign thing to do after many years of marriage and having another person to care for and who helped take care of me. It had to be learned the hard way. "Cold Turkey!"
Which reminds me, I did not save my Thanksgiving left overs.
I sent them all home with my daughter to feed her ravenous family! It actually felt relaxing today going through the ritual of cooking the traditional meal while watching Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. I made my coffee and put the dishes together with the ease of Paula Deen. I didn't scrimp on the ingredients. Butter makes everything taste better!
We had a sudden change in our customary outing to gather with other families at the home of my daughter's inlaws. It was a jolt in the family chain that broke a link.
Everyones plans were altered and will be different forever.
- So, this year it is different because someone else has died.
It affects me in an indirect way but it is a significant event for my daughters inlaw family. They are a close loving group with many of them living here near each other.
My heart grieves for their loss.
There will be ways to help them. Ways that I have experienced that I wish I did not need to share.
This will all take time and hopefully by this time next year, we will all be further along on our road to recovery.
Cathy
11/27/14