Starting Over

When you want to start over where is the beginning?

I’ve asked myself this question a million times over the last eight years. 

I mean it’s not like one day everything you knew as normal could suddenly change but it did. 

Life as I knew it had stopped even though I saw and knew it was coming.  How do you get beyond that moment? How do you choose to live differently than before? 

It sure isn’t easy I’ll tell you. 

For months and years I went through the changes I was experiencing. I was evolving yet still felt stuck back on the last day of what was my other normal life. A scratched record...

So many say “you’ll find your new normal.” How can you really do that without your tag to the past?

Bravery is one way to push through your sorrow. Stiff upper lip mode around others who think you are doing fine yet crumble under the pressure of silence at night alone. 

You grieve in solitary confinement. You’ll grieve your loss forever. Tears will dry and your lips will eventually smile again but not quite the same. You are different. 

Your motivation to change your state of happiness is a slow evolution.

At some point you may realize this cycle is one you might be in forever. It becomes your new status quo. But for many others it becomes a pivotal moment of rediscovery. 

You allow yourself to feel and experience life again like you dreamed of long ago. You have to buy your own ticket to your future. 

There may be a time when 

someone else helps you realize that the days ahead can be good again. Happy looked good on you before why not again? But don’t rely on that. You alone are responsible for how much of yourself you give away. Don’t take from someone’s dream unless you can help contribute to theirs. 

Like a train that jumps the track, your life can run off course again. Why is there doubt? Is it driven by fear? 

Trust is another component. Are you trusting not only of your intentions but of someone else’s?

Trust is hard to identify and you may not be happy to find out the honest truth even though you have invested yourself and lots of your time to find out if it really exists.  

Then when it’s dashed you feel broken in two just as before. Yet you try to mend despite it because you know you’re worthy and maybe a happy life is just around the corner. Have faith. 

Your life is a melody. It starts out slow and has moments of crescendo along the way. 

There are verses that may repeat themselves. There will be a story in your tune. 

It may be happy and yet sad at the same time. 

Once written you can replay it over and over memorizing each word. 

Starting a new life song takes courage. 

Step out of your comfort zone, repeat a few cherished cords and create a new ending... one that makes you hum the tune and reflect your healed heart. Keep working on the lyrics with each new person and experience you have as you start over. 

Cathy