I got really mad at him for buying a Harley. He knew I hated motorcycles! I had a phobia about them since being badly injured as a child on one. It never dawned on me he would just go and get one. That hurt.
He made it up by buying me a pair of diamond earrings just as expensive as his bike! Ha, I have always called my earrings Harley's!
Funny now but it wasn't then.
One of the trips he took on the Harley was with his friend David in Oct 2008.
They trailered the bikes up to the Smokey mountains to ride the Dragon's Tail.
He had a cold when he got home. I told him to irrigate his sinuses like the ENT doctor had told him to do since having sinus surgery the year prior. He told me afterward that it had hurt. That had never been the case before.
The next evening when I returned home from work he said, " look at my neck!"
The right side of his neck was swollen from his jaw to his collar bone!
"Oh, my gosh, you have to go to the doctor!" He had already made an appointment for the next day. The doctor put him on antibiotics for ten days.
The swelling improved but not enough so they wanted to do a neck node needle biopsy. That was done on Dec 19, 2008 on his 59th birthday. It was inconclusive but there were cells they were concerned about. On Dec 31, 2008 he underwent a surgical biopsy and removal of the neck node. On January 9, 2009 our whole world came crashing down around us with a cancer diagnosis.
Both girls were pregnant. We had to tell them and it was the most gut wrenching news to give them our families and friends.
"Honey, just be normal", he told me that day when we got the news. It would be the hardest thing I would ever do. But, if he was going to get through this, then that is what I would do for him. "Let's Stay Together" kept playing in my head.
How can that happen to such a strong, active and fit man? He was the picture of health that day just a few months earlier on the jet ski with his fist in the air!
The study was still inconclusive because they did not know what type of cancer this was. It was suspected it originated in his tonsils. He had a PET scan and a tonsillectomy. It was stage IVc Nasopharangeal cancer. Located up behind his sinus above your soft pallate at the roof of your mouth. Taking an imaginary line from your ear to the bridge of your nose and then down through the top of your head. At the intersection of those two points. Smack dab in the middle of your head but not in the brain. Rare for the Caucasian race. Predominant in Asia and Africa! What? How do you get that type of cancer? We will never know. The PET scan showed distant bone metastasis to his pelvis and femurs. The prognosis was grim.
A week later he started extensive chemotherapy with three very harsh drugs. It depleted his blood work so dramatically he was put in the hospital and put on reverse isolation for ten days. He was violently sick and he wasn't healed yet from the tonsillectomy.
All he could do was lay still in the dark room. I suited up in protective gear and sat vigil with him. I called his brother Mike and I told him how severely sick he was. I didn't leave his side.
Mike knew how bad this was as he is a nurse, too. He got on the next plane from Kansas to be here for us.
Staying Together. "We shall endeavor to persevere!" It was Jimmy's mantra.
He prayed to live long enough to see the newest grand babies born which was a grandson, Chase in July and twin girls Kannon and Kate in August of 2009. Jackson, his biggest buddy was five.
Many rounds of chemo, radiation, cyber knife procedures, hospitalizations. Up and downs along the way. Losing all his hair, growing it back. Getting strong again just to be beaten down again. He was the strongest man I ever knew! Superman on Kryptonite!
A short remission. A chance to celebrate and return to police work! He never stopped. He gave every ounce of himself to trying everything he could. Allergic reactions to drugs, heart rhythm disturbances, anorexia, weight loss, dehydration.
Horrific pain with the bone metastasis. Side effects from radiation. He kept going.
Babysitting all the kids. He loved that part! Wrestling with them on the bed, teaching them how to walk, comforting them when they cried.
We have a big garden tub in our bathroom.
We would run their bath and put all of the babies in there and then Jimmy would put on his bathing suit and get in with them! The bathroom was overflowing with bubbles and laughter!
He retired from the police department in May, 2010 when the scan showed the cancer was back.
He had bought two years from his military service that counted toward his retirement. He served our city of Jacksonville for seventeen years as a patrolman. He never wanted to climb the ranks as he had enough of administration in the Navy. He retired on full disability.
He started more chemo. He kept going. He kept living life to it's fullest with the four grandchildren our families, friends and each other. Staying busy doing things all the time.
Jackson told him he was the strongest PaPa with cancer he ever knew!
He got strength back, rode his Haley when he felt good and I went, too!
He told me, "I had the best day today because I spent it with you!" I melted.
Last June 16, 2012 we returned to Playa Del Carmen, Mexico for our 39th anniversary. We hadn't been in four years. He looked and felt pretty good. We really had a beautiful time. He even got one of those fake tattoos just above his port on his chest that said "Karen" for his chemo nurse to see the following week! So funny! Our friends David and Kathy traveled with us. I caught a sailfish when we went deep sea fishing. It was the hardest physical thing I had ever done. Thank goodness for David's help pulling back with the rod. Great memories!
On January 9, 2013 which was the fourth anniversary since his diagnosis, while he was in the hospital he said, "Honey, why don't you retire?"
It was like being asked to marry all over again and I didn't hesitate as I said, "yes!"
A few weeks passed and things were not going well after another scan and resuming chemo. It was just too devastating to handle.
He decided he would enter hospice care and halted any further treatments.
He wanted his brother, Mike with him and us. He made many phone calls to family and friends. He gave Mike back his hairbrush, too and said he was sorry for taking it so long ago! He made peace with God which was never in question anyway. He was a Christian man.
The light was dim over his bed. Lauren, Wendy, Mike and I held his hands, the girls sang to him and we played our favorite songs and talked to him.
The light flickered and got brighter. " Did you see that?", we asked each other at the same time. This happened TWICE just a second or two apart and then went dim again and he was gone.
"Let's Stay Together" played until his last day with me on February 5, 2013 at
Met April 5, 1972
Married June 16, 1973
Entered Heaven Feb 5, 2013 at age 63 years, 1 month and 17 days.
I'll love him and he will stay with me forever in my heart.
Cathy Windham
2/17/13
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