Life By Candelight

That moment when you're lonely.
When time isn't moving
Your mind races ahead ahead of you.
Suspended in your space.
Wondering why things go
into slow motion while you look at the time lapse
blur  together.
Traffic lights at night in the rain make that vision.
A Monet at the museum does it, too.
An artists brush smears
a stroke on canvas and the colors collide.
Night at home alone made softer by candle light.

Cathy Windham
8/3/14

Do you ever wonder?

The Kiss

Thinking about that  moment that you remember was special is different to a new couple, divorcée or widow.

Kissing for instance.  With your true love, it is deep and passionate.  You are drowning in each other's passion.
To your past detached love, it's a memory despised because it brings up hurt.

To a love who can not return that kiss, it's a yearning and a dreamy memory.

The only common thing is
the day you were as one.
Why did these things turn your world upside down?


Once done it will never return.  There must be a
plan.  Stay forever, leave for another or mourn.

Each day you are responsible for your own happiness and for that of whom you profess your love.

Cathy Windham
7/30/14

Why We Care

The difference between
Home town and military brat

Always Starting Over

Taking risks between present/past

Keeping up

Bucking up

Survivorship

Get over it

Fitting in

Commitment

Saying goodbye

Being accepted

Do I belong

Hoarding momentous

Do you remember me

War vs Peace

Purpose vs dreams

Stereotype behaviors

Why is it important to be
Proud, be honest, have integrity

Shirt off your back for a fellow brat

Perfectionism vs praise of
Individuality - control issues of a military parent

Trust vs harboring secrets

Burying emotions

Watching from a distance

Making decisions not to
"rock the boat"

Applying everything to who I am professionally

Realizing you fit in that
round hole

Smiles look the same on all faces

Kisses linger longer when they might be the last

Promises of reuniting in the future

Getting older together and not worried about it

There you are in my world again

I missed you so.....

Cathy Windham
7/20/14

Am I sleeping or awake?

It is who I am

The day starts easily enough after a seemingly
sleepless night.  It's gone on like this for awhile.

Silently I cringe a little as I slip into bed on my side.  The other side does not get turned down or slept upon.

I do some things differently.  Play some background sounds to lull my mind away from my thoughts.

I time the night in increments of how long I dozed off.  I try not to care what time it is.

My dreams are like previews of a movie I don't want to star in.

The plot is obscure and makes no sense.  I'm shocked not to find clipped edited film on my bedroom floor as I get up.

When the sun comes up
I start the day over.  I'm
older and wiser and
chronically tired.

It is who I am for now.

Cathy Windham
7/1/14

Romantic Promise

I keep your photo close
I look into your eyes
I see the reflection of our love
Between us were no lies

Trusted love, you took me home
I knew you not before
Upon arrival at my door
I wanted to know you more and more

As days and years became the past
Entwined with memories
Ever last
My heart is full to the brink
Then was over within a blink

Forever you will be the one
My soul and heart desires
Tomorrow I will remember us
A love that flames the fires

Cathy Windham
6/23/14

The Hunt

Chase announced "I'm going to hunt for a frog, granny!"  It was a hot afternoon and I seriously doubted he would find one.  I sat out on the front porch with his mom enjoying a glass of wine together as he ducked in and out of the bushes and leaves.  I tried to tell him that frogs liked cooler and wetter areas.  It was a beast of an afternoon but that did not deter his quest.  I told him it was almost dinner time.  If he found one he could not keep him as I'm sure his frog family was waiting for him to come home safely.

My mind wandered a bit back to when I was little.
We would be gone all afternoon playing down by the creek which ran through a wooded area
behind our house in Virginia.  It was the perfect place to hang out once school was out for summer.
Cool water flowed and you could catch the water
bugs that skated on the still mirror surface in a deeper area.  Salamanders, minnows, turtles, frogs and crawfish lived there.  I heard there were water moccasins but never saw one.  Rattle snakes stayed to themselves, too.  I bet they watched us as we played in their
territory probably very close to them.  We were so lucky.
We built forts and my brothers played Army down in the valley.
There was a large embankment carved out of the clay.  When it rained heavily, the water would boil and swell in that area.  You could almost go rafting on the muddy swells.
Once my friends and I ventured through the storm drain from where it spilled run off from the neighborhood streets.  We were adventurous and oblivious to the danger of doing that.
It was fun to hear our echoes in the large cool concrete tube.  At the manhole one could climb up the rusted ladder and hear a car drive right over you!

I smoked my first cigarette in a huge tree down in the valley that we called the Monkey Tree.
It had thick low lying limbs that made it ideal for climbing.  You could see quite a ways from those higher branches.

Once my sister and I caught a crab when we went to the beach.  Against my parents better judgement, they let us take it home.  We decided to release him down by the creek but I doubt he survived very long.  I have often felt bad about taking him away from his natural habitat and into a dangerous new place to try to survive.

Just then Chase came running up to his mom and I with the cutest,
triumphant giggle and smile as he held up a tiny tree frog for us to see.
He had hunted and had his first catch!  After a few minutes of examining him he let him go among the
shadows of the setting sun and home safely.

Cathy Windham
6/19/14

Turchino Dreams

Turchino Dreams

She strolled along the cobblestone narrow boganvilla draped road.
Large straw basket in hand held some fresh market purchases.  Strap sandals on tan feet with pink polish.
Her hair pulled back and tucked under her straw hat.
She stops to pet a cat in the window sill before making her way inside her retreat.
Placing the basket on the rough painted kitchen table, she then lifts the bouquet of mixed petals
and runs water into the clear yellow vase with imbedded air bubbles.
She gathers things to make tea.
The breeze from the window cools her brow.
She came here to Capri
to remember a magic moment in her past.
It had not changed except
for the calendar.
Overlooking the Bay of Salerno she observes a rich deep blue of the water and fishing boats tethered at the shore and the rugged cliffs beyond.
She watches the chairlift
climb high to the top.

The tea pot whistles and she pours the steaming water over the tea and closes her lashes and breathes the aroma of lemongrass.

Pen to paper she jots down some random thoughts of her trip here long ago with her family.
It is still vividly fresh on her mind.  It's the love that remained here that
captivates and entices her.

Long afternoon shadows cast their spell on her.  She goes into the town square among the local
shops and restaurants.
A vintage cab crosses her path.  A glass of wine, fresh bread and cheese
awake her senses.  She watches and looks for lost faces among the people who stroll by.  Maybe they
have returned to this magical place and are looking for her.

Cathy Windham
6/8/14