Surviving

There is a whole lot of living left to do.  Funny how I have not really thought like this before with as much passion.  The other day an acquaintance died.  He committed suicide.  Just one year older than me and something was so awful he felt the need to end his life without a fight.  Why?
I have been through troubled times that rocked my world, too.  I would not have ever wanted to cause such grief for my family.
Having dreams no matter what they are is so important.  Going through with it and experiencing the joy it brings helps you recover.  It does not have to be much but an alternative to your daily grind can really refresh you and make you feel better.  I have cried as I walked after dark so no one would stop and ask me what was the matter.  By the time I got home, I felt a burden lifted as I showered and felt the tension run down the drain.
Baring your soul of things that have bothered you way too long is good, too.  Someone to listen in an unbiased way. Or just write it out and keep going until you feel lighter mentally.  Read it over.  Tear it up, burn it or keep it.  There are no rules for purging demons in your mind.
When I decided to sell my home after my husband died it surprised me that I was thinking it.  I thought I was fine right where I was.  Surrounded by the familiarity of our lives together.  It did not bother me one bit.  But my family had problems.  It was too hard and sad and the home had lost it's meaning without him there.  So, I made the decision to clean it out.  Sell things and pack others.  It was a very tough and big job.  But having my plan actually being acted out gave me direction.  I did not have time for feeling selfish, sad or drowning in grief. I had to survive and live.
As much as people want to help, there is only so much they can do.  It must be your journey to find a way to live a new future.
Empower yourself when you feel like you are doubting yourself.
Go ahead and decide to change things up.  Get away to someplace new and refreshing.  Allow yourself to feel happy. Enjoy easy and simple things.  Don't push yourself if you are not up to it right then.  But don't ignore it long.
Call people because more than likely they want to call and are afraid of disturbing you.  For God's sake, dusturb me, I'm still alive, barely.  I want and need the intervention more than the solitude.  Get out and about.
We are alone and don't want to be.
We are torn in half and realize we need help but don't ask.  That gets old quickly.
Happiness is the long term goal as I plan ahead.  Whats next?
One trip, hug, card, call, deed, word
step at a time.
I'm good because I have many who
genuinely care, including myself.
Cathy